The Diary Of An Insane Bat Mom

“You know," he said with unusual somberness, "I asked my father once why kenders were little, why we weren't big like humans and elves. I really wanted to be big," he said softly and for a moment he was quiet. "What did your father say?" asked Fizban gently. "He said kenders were small because we were meant to do small things. 'If you look at all the big things in the world closely,' he said, 'you'll see that they're really made up of small things all joined together.' That big dragon down there comes to nothing but tiny drops of blood, maybe. It's the small things that make the difference.” - Margaret Weis, author, Dragons of Autumn Twilight, Dragonlance Chronicles Beautiful snow filled branch! As I sit in my living room, with my laptop perched on a pillow, I am typing this while I am savouring my morning coffee. There's nothing quite like that first cup of coffee in the morning! My curtains on my window are slightly pa

Love Lost In Darkness by Sylvie Dubois Love lost in darkness Love that was misunderstood Loneliness is my mistress Consumed by thoughts of you Damaged, broken, sore I cry to the heavens Wondering what's in store Love lost in darkness I am thinking of all the times we missed of all the hugs and kiss that would never exist Love lost in darkness Love that was misplaced I didn't know my own heart, a love that can't be replaced Hope is not lost I close my eyes A voice speaks your name I know I am in the wrong place Cause this love was lost in darkness but I try to find the light Cause something like this needs to be made right

 "...I'll state my case of which I am certain I've lived a life that's full I've travelled each and every highway and much more than this, I did it my way"  - Written by Paul Anka, performed by Frank Sinatra and Sid Vicious  I have written extensively on the subject of recently finding my own self-confidence, having goals and just simply living life my way! I want to expand on how I am making my life about me and the key moments that influenced this new way of life.  I am at a period in my life where I am making it all about me! I see the road ahead and no one is going to stop me from taking my chosen path. No one. I have come too far! When I was at work on Monday and stepped into the washroom to take a selfie because there is a beautiful full-length mirror in there, I admired myself. Lately, I have been dressing for myself. I wear my makeup for me. I am not doing it for a job so I can "look normal" or even to impress a romantic interest. I invested

With a new year fast approaching, I am already looking back at 2022! I really can't help it! It was a crappy year for me but with a positive outlook, I realized this was a year of transformation. This period of change or evolution as I like to call it was long overdue and I am glad to be given the hard lessons I had to face. I am so happy that we have a month left of 2022 and I can look forward to bigger and better things next month when I start University and begin a new chapter of my life. So yeah, I am getting a head start at this new year, new me bullshit! Except, I am already a new me and I am quite happy with the woman I am today. It is thanks to the lessons I had to face over the past couple of months that made me the strong, resilient, high-value woman I am! Yes, I am having a feminist moment, bare with me! This year has taught me the importance of having goals , of looking inwards and asking myself "what is it that I really want? " and reaching for the stars. It

 I don't have an ex-husband, I have a Jay! We always promised each other that if something were to happen and we were to go our separate ways, we would remain friends and co-parent our baby bat together.  I must admit, things were rough at the beginning for the both of us when we first got divorced but once we adapted to our separate lives, Jay surprised me by being a really great friend.  In fact, he is now my best friend.  When Philip (our son, baby bat) was sick earlier this week with a stomach bug and laryngitis, once Jay recovered from the flu, he came over and helped out. I needed groceries, and they magically appeared in my fridge! Supper was made several times and I even got coffee made and brought to me! I got to recuperate after work while he did a lot of housecleaning. In fact, if it weren't for his help, I wouldn't have been able to go to work at all this week! When I got my heart broken last summer , he came over and held me while I cried. He gave me advice. He

"I never thought I'd have to take this much from you I wish I'd never used this precious time on you Because you didn't want me You never cried for me at all You didn't love me You were too far above me Then you watched me take the fall " - You Didn't Want Me, Mesh The past couple of months has been rough for me. It felt like I was taking one step forward to only taking three steps back! As a result, I went into Hermit mode and did a lot of shadow work. I also realized what I wanted and slowly started making goals for myself.   By having these goals, I could slowly crawl out of my depression and have the energy to face another day. Getting a part-time job really helped me because it gives me something to look forward to and there is so much I have to learn in this job, it really helps get my mind off things.  I have been a bit of a homebody lately. To be perfectly honest, this whole being-alone thing is new to me. Yes, I have my kid and I love hanging out

 "Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. While mindfulness is something we all naturally possess, it’s more readily available to us when we practice on a daily basis. Whenever you bring awareness to what you’re directly experiencing via your senses, or to your state of mind via your thoughts and emotions, you’re being mindful." Source:  mindful.org My biggest influence when it comes to practicing mindfulness was my son. He has Asperger's and we went to a very crowded con last summer. Lots of noises, people, and cosplays were a lot for him to handle. We were smart, we made a game plan before hitting the con. We found quiet places for him to go and cool down if things got too much for him. We even had a scale of 1 to 10 on how bad things were. 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. Once he told me he felt like he was hitting an 8 or a 9

***Disclaimer: I am NOT a mental health professional. I am simply stating techniques that have worked for me. If you struggle with negative self-talk, suicidal ideation, depression, and/or anxiety, I STRONGLY recommend you seek a certified professional.***   If you read my posts, you would know I am a prominent mental health awareness advocate. Today, I would like to cover the topic of negative self-talk.  This scene, from the anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion, really resonates with me. A lot of her inner dialogue often reflects my own. In fact, the character, Asuka, reminds me a lot of myself: While many blog posts are available on this subject, all the suggestions are the same. They all recommend meditation, positive affirmations, therapy and the usual hippie bullshit.  Don't get me wrong, I do all those things. I love meditating, therapy has helped me immensely and I still listen to positive affirmations to this day. They do help but sometimes, it is hard to quiet the monkeys in yo

I recently posted about how I set personal goals for myself because this helps me to stay on track when it comes to my depression and anxiety. You can read this post here if you are interested.  In that post, I briefly mentioned how I might have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I would like to expand on that. This is where I got the image One thing that many BPD sufferers do is seek external validation or approval and have an irrational fear of abandonment. As a result, we tend to push people away before they can leave us.  Very recently, I sought validation from someone who decided to be a huge ass dick and didn't give me the validation and approval I was so desperately seeking. At that time, I was furious. I *needed* the reassurance that this person wasn't going to abandon me, that this person cared about me and I was important. When I didn't get that validation, I was triggered and became quite toxic.  I decided to go into Hermit mode and I came to realize that

This is where I got the image!!! Unfortunately, I am one of the many people in the world today that has a lot of mental health issues. With therapy, a healthy dose of the right anti-depressants, meditation, journaling and sheer will, I am functional... well most of the time!  I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I do not have a full-blown diagnosis yet, but it was pointed out by my shrink that I have a lot of symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as, BPD.   One thing that keeps my mental health in check is by making goals for myself. It gives me something to work for, and to look forward to. I thought I would share my goals here to motivate myself to do them and hopefully, some of this advice can be useful for anyone who is battling depression.  Here is my list of goals for 2022-2023: (1) Ask for help - I struggle at this. I always prefer to be the person that comes running whenever something bad happens in someone else's life. I need to accept and ask for