All we need is a Jay

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 I don't have an ex-husband, I have a Jay!

We always promised each other that if something were to happen and we were to go our separate ways, we would remain friends and co-parent our baby bat together. 

I must admit, things were rough at the beginning for the both of us when we first got divorced but once we adapted to our separate lives, Jay surprised me by being a really great friend.  In fact, he is now my best friend. 

When Philip (our son, baby bat) was sick earlier this week with a stomach bug and laryngitis, once Jay recovered from the flu, he came over and helped out. I needed groceries, and they magically appeared in my fridge! Supper was made several times and I even got coffee made and brought to me! I got to recuperate after work while he did a lot of housecleaning. In fact, if it weren't for his help, I wouldn't have been able to go to work at all this week!

When I got my heart broken last summer, he came over and held me while I cried. He gave me advice. He told me about things I did in our relationship that needs to be worked on and I listened.  He helped me to grow into a better person. When I was at my lowest, he would call with a funny story or just listen to me vent over the phone. He reminded me of how strong I can be and assured me I would pull through. I have so many wonderful people in my life that was there for me and Jay was definitely one of them. 

We don't fight over custody. We don't fight over money. If one of us wants to see our kid, we do. If one of us needs money, we help out.  As a result, while the divorce was a tough experience for the baby bat, he never felt caught in the middle between his two parents. Sometimes things in life don't always work out the way you wanted them to but it doesn't mean that an ending needs to be an unhappy one. 

Not only does having Jay in my life make things easier for Philip but we learned that while we weren't able to make it as a couple, we can be very successful with being friends. 

If Jay were to ever get into a relationship with someone, the girl would be extremely lucky and I would do my best to become friends with her. I would also accept the fact he won't be able to be there as often but I do know he will be there if I really need it. I would give this woman my blessing because she won the heart of an amazing man and I know she would be someone very special in his life. There would be no drama on my end and I would totally accept her into this weird concept we call family! I trust Jay so much that I would know that the baby bat would be well cared for by another amazing woman in his life!

On my end, Jay is a bit overprotective of my choice of suitors. I don't hold this against him at all. He has good reason to. Yes, he often sides with the dude because he knows all my "shining qualities" but he has also seen me get hurt. He only wants to make sure that the guy will treat me right and make me happy. Jay has the same fears I do. If I get hurt, the baby bat gets hurt. Jay helped me realize that I often found non-commital men because I knew Philip wouldn't get attached and the only person getting hurt would be me. Jay helped me accept that I am not the "situationship" type of girl and helped me with letting go of this mindset. Being in a romantic relationship is not a priority at the moment and I rather take my time with finding someone who will not only accept that I am a single mom with a mental illness but I also have a lot of goals and ambitions. I want a man in my life who I can be there for but also he needs to step up and be there for me. Jay helped me realize that my vulnerabilities aren't weaknesses but a strength. I need to learn to let go and have people take care of me too.

Yes, we may have married the wrong person but I have no regrets. The marriage and romantic relationship part of us didn't work. We just don't love each other in that way anymore and that is OK. We got something better. We got a strong friendship and am seriously lucky to have him in my life. When Jay is in your life, he is in it forever. I often jokingly tell him that he is like a bad rash, you can never get rid of him! 



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