If He Wanted To, He Would

 Lately, my new motto is "if he wanted to, he would" and I think it is a positive way to go about things. I am in my early forties and re-entered the dating field a few years ago after my divorce. It is very sad that things haven't changed much since my early twenties when I met my ex-husband.

Someone once told me I shouldn't put men in the same basket because one guy treated me like shit. So far, I have noticed, that for every 5 guys I meet, maybe one of them is a decent guy. I hate to write a post like this because it is coming from a place of anger and bitterness but I have to go about personal experience.

Anyways, I thought this post will be a reminder to me when I think I met the "Gomez to my Morticia" or "My Tuxedo Mask" because lately, I have been getting all crappy, cheap, imitation bootlegs! The thing is, I am the one to blame. I am not perfect but I like to think I am a great chick! I just need to be a little smarter when it comes to my choice of suitors. I need to learn to be attached to the person and not the idea of the person if that makes sense. So here is a cute list of the harsh lessons I have learned over the past 3 years:

(1) I suck at long-distance relationships. Will never do that again. It is not for me. I communicate a lot through touch and physical presence.

(2) Getting flowers is nice. While I don't expect it, it would be nice. If he wanted to, he would.

(3) If he says he is not ready for a relationship or is not ready to be committed to someone, believe him. 

(4) If there are no children involved and he is still attached to his ex, be careful. 

(5) If he wanted to text me or call me or see me, he would. In my experience, in some of the longest relationships I have been in, the guy chased me like there was no tomorrow. Again, if he wanted to, he would! It's sad but if someone cares about you, they will show it. 

(6) When I do meet someone and he is treating me right, let my guard down. 

This leads me to the most valuable lesson I learned. When I started dating again, I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know if I wanted something casual, or serious and to what extent I wanted the relationship to go. I know what I want now. I also know that I will no longer entertain people who are "half in" because if you date me, I am all in! 

Maybe I am angry and bitter. Maybe because deep down, I am hurt but at the end of the day, sitting back and seeing how I was treated by someone who says he cared but takes no action to show me he does, only makes me want to preserve my heart for someone who does. Who knew expecting the basics from someone was asking too much because if he wanted to, he would! 

On the upside, this experience inspired this poem. I am a hopeless romantic and I know my Tuxedo Mask is out there for me. I am waiting and finally ready. If anything this whole ordeal has taught me, it's never to settle for less and to appreciate the little gestures because doing the basics will never go unnoticed from me again!