The discombobulated life of a corp goth

 "We don't make mistakes, just happy little accidents." - Bob Ross

Well, dear readers, I got a funny story for you all. It all happened on Friday when I went to a job interview. I thought I was prepared by laying out my clothes the night before. I forgot that most of my corp goth outfits don't quite fit me due to the weight gain that happened over the pandemic. I still got a whopping 15 pounds to lose and I thought "oh I am sure it will fit, I will be fine." That was my death wish indeed! Those are the best final words I could have muttered to myself before falling asleep last night!

I got up early enough and since I had plenty of time to spare, I decided to watch a movie. I somehow lost track of time and had to get ready in a hurry. I picked out my best undergarments as I wanted to feel confident (there is a point to this, I will get to it in a bit, trust me!) Seriously ladies, wear those sexy undergarments if that is your thing! It really does help boost your self-confidence and being confident in a job interview is a must! I rushed into the shower and got ready. This is where the disaster happened. 

First, my super amazing and expensive tights didn't fit but I decided to wear them anyway. These tights are amazing. The material is top quality and they never run or snag! In fact, they are the only work-appropriate tights I own! 

The pencil skirt I so carefully selected the night before was too tight and I got paranoid that it would split on my rear end if I sat down. My original goal was to go with a retro, 1950's Gothabilly look but that didn't quite turn out the way I envisioned.

This is sort of the look I was going for. The skirt is the same. This photo was taken circa 2018

I discarded the skirt and made a mad dash to my closet. I found an adorable, long, flowing velvet skirt to wear instead. I wore a comfortable t-shirt to wear with it. Since I now have a full sleeve of tattoos, and the t-shirt shows off a little too much cleavage for an interview, I decided to wear a cardigan on top. The cute Mary Jane shoes that were so carefully selected the night before were also discarded and I opted for my ankle-length platforms. I did my quick skincare routine but had no time for makeup. I opted to wear my glasses instead of contacts because glasses make you look smarter. My hair was still wet from my shower and a quick bun was a great solution! I managed to pull a semi-professional outfit in under five minutes! I got into my Uber despite wanting another cup of coffee to fend off the nervousness but it was too late and off to the interview, I went! This is where the wardrobe malfunctions started. 

You see, my super amazing, indestructible tights were too small and they fit right above my ass so whenever I sat down, they would fall down below my rear end. Remember I mentioned my best undergarments? Well, my tights somehow managed to sort of snag on my underwear and they were slightly pulled down too. I still managed to walk into the interview with a smile on my face and with my head held high! I was invested at this point to nail the interview! Honestly, I have no clue how people can wear their pants down past their rear end because it was so uncomfortable! Not to mention, the office was quite warm and I was getting parched. I regretted politely turning down the glass of water that was so kindly offered to me and I wished I had a coffee with me! Note to self: buy a travel mug! 

I am also quite busty and the t-shirt I was wearing underneath is low cut. I thought that the cardigan would cover up the girls quite nicely except I failed to notice that the top buttons started to come undone and my girls were a little too exposed for a job interview! 

On the bright side, I do feel like the job interview went quite well. It was a long interview that lasted about an hour and I am confident that I am one of the top candidates! I got home in one piece and I made my well-earned cup of coffee. I originally stopped at the coffee shop in the metro station for coffee because I was jonesing for my fix. Unfortunately, the debit machines were down and I had no cash on me. That coffee was so well deserved when I came in and not to mention the lovely aroma that lingers in your house afterwards! I do love coffee!

I also developed a new technique for drying my hair. It is naturally wavy and I hate using a hair dryer. From now on, I am going to dry my hair in a bun! Look at how amazing and tame my hair looks: 

So fellow Darklings, if we can learn anything from this experience: it is advisable to actually try on the outfit the night before and make sure you set an alarm on your phone to give you ample enough time to get ready. It is also advisable to keep cash on you if you are a caffeine fiend like me or even better since I am going to be a student on a budget soon, get a good travel mug! I really miss the days of the pandemic when interviews were conducted remotely, usually on a Zoom call. It is funny how quickly I got used to doing everything remotely and now we are back to face-to-face interviews. Here's to hoping I land the job!