The Diary Of An Insane Bat Mom

 "...I'll state my case of which I am certain I've lived a life that's full I've travelled each and every highway and much more than this, I did it my way"  - Written by Paul Anka, performed by Frank Sinatra and Sid Vicious  I have written extensively on the subject of recently finding my own self-confidence, having goals and just simply living life my way! I want to expand on how I am making my life about me and the key moments that influenced this new way of life.  I am at a period in my life where I am making it all about me! I see the road ahead and no one is going to stop me from taking my chosen path. No one. I have come too far! When I was at work on Monday and stepped into the washroom to take a selfie because there is a beautiful full-length mirror in there, I admired myself. Lately, I have been dressing for myself. I wear my makeup for me. I am not doing it for a job so I can "look normal" or even to impress a romantic interest. I invested

With a new year fast approaching, I am already looking back at 2022! I really can't help it! It was a crappy year for me but with a positive outlook, I realized this was a year of transformation. This period of change or evolution as I like to call it was long overdue and I am glad to be given the hard lessons I had to face. I am so happy that we have a month left of 2022 and I can look forward to bigger and better things next month when I start University and begin a new chapter of my life. So yeah, I am getting a head start at this new year, new me bullshit! Except, I am already a new me and I am quite happy with the woman I am today. It is thanks to the lessons I had to face over the past couple of months that made me the strong, resilient, high-value woman I am! Yes, I am having a feminist moment, bare with me! This year has taught me the importance of having goals , of looking inwards and asking myself "what is it that I really want? " and reaching for the stars. It

Soup cooking on the stove! When I was a kid, I used to go camping every summer with my mother at Long Sault Provincial Park in Ontario, Canada. I used to look forward to these trips because my grandparents and Uncle had adjoining campsites. This meant I could play with my favourite cousin, Dean!  Me and Dean when we were kids. BFFs! I have so many fond childhood memories from Long Sault. I remember this truck would pass by every day with a microphone announcing "firewood for sale" and for some odd reason, we would get all excited over this. I remember my aunt and uncle giving me chocolate syrup every morning for my milk. I remember swimming in the lake and sometimes an adult would take us to the beach down the road. I remember collecting empty beer bottles with Dean in the woods and empty campsites. We would then go begging to an adult to take us to the nearest store (Beckers - which the adults would call Peckers when they thought we weren't listening!) to cash in the bot

 Remember when I wrote about enjoying a moment of tranquillity in my life? Well, the last two weeks have been complete and utter shit! This week has really taken the cake! You know when your Monday starts off on the wrong foot, the rest of the week is pretty shitty! While I was at work on Monday, the baby bat broke his house key again (he also broke it last week) while trying to unlock the front door. His fantastic dad came by to let him in so I didn't have to skip out of work early.  I also got an email on Monday evening from my baby bat's super awesome teacher who was a bit concerned. He was sick at school and his health took a turn for the worst Monday night. I spent the week nursing a very sick kid, fixing a huge banking error which resulted in me paying my bills late, and getting a lot of bad migraines from stress. While my banking issue is still not completely fixed, I saw many cool locks for the door you can buy that have keypads on them and can even unlock the door

"I never thought I'd have to take this much from you I wish I'd never used this precious time on you Because you didn't want me You never cried for me at all You didn't love me You were too far above me Then you watched me take the fall " - You Didn't Want Me, Mesh The past couple of months has been rough for me. It felt like I was taking one step forward to only taking three steps back! As a result, I went into Hermit mode and did a lot of shadow work. I also realized what I wanted and slowly started making goals for myself.   By having these goals, I could slowly crawl out of my depression and have the energy to face another day. Getting a part-time job really helped me because it gives me something to look forward to and there is so much I have to learn in this job, it really helps get my mind off things.  I have been a bit of a homebody lately. To be perfectly honest, this whole being-alone thing is new to me. Yes, I have my kid and I love hanging out

 "Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. While mindfulness is something we all naturally possess, it’s more readily available to us when we practice on a daily basis. Whenever you bring awareness to what you’re directly experiencing via your senses, or to your state of mind via your thoughts and emotions, you’re being mindful." Source:  mindful.org My biggest influence when it comes to practicing mindfulness was my son. He has Asperger's and we went to a very crowded con last summer. Lots of noises, people, and cosplays were a lot for him to handle. We were smart, we made a game plan before hitting the con. We found quiet places for him to go and cool down if things got too much for him. We even had a scale of 1 to 10 on how bad things were. 1 being the lowest and 10 being the highest. Once he told me he felt like he was hitting an 8 or a 9

***Disclaimer: I am NOT a mental health professional. I am simply stating techniques that have worked for me. If you struggle with negative self-talk, suicidal ideation, depression, and/or anxiety, I STRONGLY recommend you seek a certified professional.***   If you read my posts, you would know I am a prominent mental health awareness advocate. Today, I would like to cover the topic of negative self-talk.  This scene, from the anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion, really resonates with me. A lot of her inner dialogue often reflects my own. In fact, the character, Asuka, reminds me a lot of myself: While many blog posts are available on this subject, all the suggestions are the same. They all recommend meditation, positive affirmations, therapy and the usual hippie bullshit.  Don't get me wrong, I do all those things. I love meditating, therapy has helped me immensely and I still listen to positive affirmations to this day. They do help but sometimes, it is hard to quiet the monkeys in yo

I recently posted about how I set personal goals for myself because this helps me to stay on track when it comes to my depression and anxiety. You can read this post here if you are interested.  In that post, I briefly mentioned how I might have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and I would like to expand on that. This is where I got the image One thing that many BPD sufferers do is seek external validation or approval and have an irrational fear of abandonment. As a result, we tend to push people away before they can leave us.  Very recently, I sought validation from someone who decided to be a huge ass dick and didn't give me the validation and approval I was so desperately seeking. At that time, I was furious. I *needed* the reassurance that this person wasn't going to abandon me, that this person cared about me and I was important. When I didn't get that validation, I was triggered and became quite toxic.  I decided to go into Hermit mode and I came to realize that

This is where I got the image!!! Unfortunately, I am one of the many people in the world today that has a lot of mental health issues. With therapy, a healthy dose of the right anti-depressants, meditation, journaling and sheer will, I am functional... well most of the time!  I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I do not have a full-blown diagnosis yet, but it was pointed out by my shrink that I have a lot of symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, also known as, BPD.   One thing that keeps my mental health in check is by making goals for myself. It gives me something to work for, and to look forward to. I thought I would share my goals here to motivate myself to do them and hopefully, some of this advice can be useful for anyone who is battling depression.  Here is my list of goals for 2022-2023: (1) Ask for help - I struggle at this. I always prefer to be the person that comes running whenever something bad happens in someone else's life. I need to accept and ask for

"...And I thank you For bringing me here For showing me home For singing these tears Finally I've found That I belong Feels like home I should have known From my first breath" - Home by Depeche Mode Side note: Yes, I chose a cheesy title for this blog post. Yes, you can laugh and kudos to you if you read the title in a sarcastic/cynical tone! I love being a cheeseball at times! A couple of nights ago, I had a dream about my dad. I was a teenager again and we were sitting at the kitchen table. I was in distress. My dad was a very stoic man who had no clue when it comes to dealing with a teenage girl in crisis. He would just casually stand up, turn on the kettle and announce he was making me a cup of tea.  Anyone who knows me well knows I have a love for coffee but tea can be important too. Tea reminds me of the very few happy childhood memories I have. Tea reminds me of my grandmother who bought me my first tea set. Granted, it wasn't anything special, it was a toy but