Just Reading The Books

Image of my University's library, taken from their website (Concordia)

I had some time to kill between classes yesterday afternoon and instead of trekking back home for an hour, I decided to stay on campus to kill time by visiting the library. Since I was young, I always felt happy and at peace there because being surrounded by all the lovely books is soothing for me. In fact, I walked around like a kid in a candy store and even got to see some very old books displayed behind some plexiglass! How I wanted to reach through those plexiglass cabinets to touch those old, yellow pages! I love old books, they always make me wonder about their previous owners and wonder what they thought or felt while reading those stories. To me, reading is not just reading words on a page. I get transported to a different place or time. Depending on what I am reading, I can visit a fantasy world such as Middle Earth or time travel back in time and discover how people lived in that period. I can read biographies or memoirs and get to experience the author's trials and tribulations. I like to think that by reading, I get to live many lives. Sometimes, I get so entranced by what I am reading, I miss my metro stop on the subway or even worse, I sometimes walk when I read and even walk into trashcans, poles, and walls! Yesterday morning, a very chivalrous gentleman stopped me from falling down while I was standing on the metro. The train made a sharp stop at the next station and I almost lost my footing but luckily for me, he managed to catch me before I tumbled down! I always vow that I would be more careful the next time around but I always fall victim to the sweet siren call of my book!

I went to the library to catch up on some class reading and the moment I walked in, I felt like I was home.  I was sick all last week and needed to catch up on some of my class reading so I found an empty workstation. I looked at my surroundings, smiled and realized just how happy I was. To be honest, I haven't been this happy in a long, long time. Being in University was always a dream of mine and life, trauma, you name it, got in the way. Now, I can focus on myself. School for some means getting a good, well-paying job.  Obviously, I am there for the same reasons but school is so much more for me than just money. I have an insatiable appetite for knowledge and here, I get to learn and satisfy part of that appetite. Thanks to my love for reading, I decided to pursue a major in English Literature and probably will be working towards a minor in creative writing. While I only started my studies, there is a good chance I will go to grad school later on. 

When I was younger, I was always the nerdy kid who participated in science fairs and wrote really bad fan fiction ( think Beverly Hills 90210 and The Little House On The Prairie...yeah don't ask!) I sucked at most sports and I was teased for being an outcast, a weirdo or a "freeeeak'' as my peers used to chant whenever I would walk by in the hallways. Growing up, my father worked long hours and my mother was a tyrant. I was bullied at school and bullied at home. Reading and writing that really bad fan fiction was my escape from reality. I wrote so much fan fiction and poetry that I developed a love for fountain pens. I often spent my allowance and babysitting money on books, paper and my beloved fancy pens.  When my dad saw that my love for reading and writing wasn't a phase, he often would slip me a couple of bucks for books, replacement ink cartridges or bottles for my pens and he even bought me a typewriter! Life was good!

Being able to go to university and having the privilege to read and be graded on it doesn't feel like a hard feat for me. In fact, my nerdy self is actually happy about it! Essays were due last week (and one this week) and midterms will be starting soon. I am not stressed about it. I am actually...excited! In fact, all week, I have been stalking online to see if my grades on my essays are posted. I am pretty funny because I would submit my essay and then a few minutes later, I am checking to see if it has been graded! 

I am so incredibly happy and just comfortable in my own nerdy, gothy pale skin! Who knew going back to school in your forties would be this rewarding? It was Valentine's Day and being single didn't even depress me. How can I be when I get to read, analyze, discuss in class, and write about what I read? Before I got pretty sick with a really bad, nasty cold last week, I decided to do a slight change with my hair because I feel like this is part of my life that needs a change. I managed to grow my hair out and it is now past my shoulders. I grew out my bangs ages ago and I miss my Bettie bangs so I cut them! After many months of painstakingly growing out a bad haircut, I still chopped off several inches. It felt great! I guess this goes with the new year, new me stuff and with my birthday later this week, I have a lot to celebrate! Here's a before and after.